I'm sitting here, maudlin with the wine I said I'd stop drinking - well, I drink very little these days but this wine is pink and it's Juliette's birthday tomorrow. I've been watching the video of her last birthday, nine years ago.
My mother is there in our kitchen, and my sister Dani. Elodie and their friend Daisy are next to Juliette at the table in front of the original garish cake which is purple and covered with chocolate eggs. It was nearly Easter. Juliette looks happy. Pleased with her cake she pretends to bite it, with a big mouth and a huge smile. She's wearing a badge which says "5" she's unpinned from a card. I can't bear to look at its brightness and promise.
It's a moment, just a little one. I wanted to share it but technology is against me. I can't work out how to get it off the disk onto my computer and this stupid fact, of all facts, is making me cry.